Everyday, I try to find something to be grateful for.
Everyday, I try to create something to be grateful for.
My hiatus from medical school has been strange. I keep breathing in all of the third year emotions of my friends and former classmates: frustration, anger, joy, wonder, exhaustion. It's more negative than positive. Is medicine more negative than positive?
I realized today that if I had done either medicine alone or anthropology alone, I could have been better at them in that nauseating academic way. Sacrifice my soul for higher honors, spend more time in the ivory tower writing publications for 5 people to read and 10 people to skim.
For all my losses, for all my pauses, I am more human.
My sorrows have only led me to kindness, constantly trying to enact it, never knowing how, stumbling, fumbling awkwardly through my phrases and gestures.
Meanwhile, my buttery heart melts and oozes its contents all over my body.
These days, I like to breathe and wait for my thoughts to vanish.
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